What Ifs and How to Squash Them
I woke up this morning and found myself stuck in the exact thing I tell my clients not to do when manifesting. I was doubting. I am a Type A Aquarius and I plan everything. Fallon makes fun of my legal pad addiction because I generally have 7 going at the same time, but I need separate legal pads for every project. That makes sense, right? The truth is I’m like that in almost every part of my life, and it has made me a very successful person.
The problem here is, as those of you who joined our DIY Spell Bottle livestream heard, I’m manifesting matters of the heart right now. You can’t plan love. Let me say it again. You. Can. Not. Plan. Love. Rose. I’ve tried to. I make a living seeing things. I absolutely have been seeing things for myself my whole life and for three years I have seen something very specific for myself. An end to the single life. A new cycle.
And, honestly, that is scary. 2019 was a year of bad decisions with people who didn’t deserve my time, but it taught me I need to stop settling because I fall into the trap of thinking I can’t have who I want. I can’t organize this. I can’t make a list and make it better. As these are my go to approaches with business and they’ve been very useful, so now I am left not knowing what to do.
As so many of my followers and clients come to me due to issues with their love life, I’ve decided to let y’all in on some secrets. The truth is there’s no magical way to keep your mindset 100% positive all the time. That is not part of being a human. That’s not even a part of our souls. We all embody duality. Light and dark. Masculine and Feminine. For every negative emotion there is a positive emotion to balance it.
So this morning I woke up (forgetting Venus has popped itself into Retrograde) and there it was. THE DOUBT. How the hell would I even meet someone? There’s kind of a plague going on right now. I do not look cute first thing in the morning (no matter what my family says.) What if he doesn’t even think I’m cute when he sees this bedhead eventually? What if I never find him? Should I go back to settling (absofuckinglutelynot).
Seriously, I got completely overwhelmed by an increasingly ridiculous series of “What ifs”. Then it flipped! I checked our family chat and two members had done my manifestation spell bottle live stream with me. THEIR MANIFESTATIONS ARE ALREADY HAPPENING. I got excited and told them that’s why I make the big bucks and made coffee. Then, standing there with a bag of coffee grounds in my hand I fell into the exact opposite existential crisis, “OH DEAR GOD WHAT IF I DO FIND HIM?”
After 5 minutes of looking into a coffee pot for the answers to life, I shook my head, hit “brew” and came into my office. And here’s the meat of this post.
Are you more afraid that you won’t get what you want, or are your fears rooted in actually getting it?
I have gotten everything I have manifested in the last three years. Harvest Rose took off: I went from a blah corporate insurance job to working full time making more money than I ever could have made in the corporate world. Business grew so much I hired a full time assistant, our social media following is crazy (I can’t believe 11.6k people want to listen to my voice, seriously), I manifested the house I wanted, the vacations, everything.
I wasn’t scared of that. Who is scared of more money? A better house? Not me. But romance? Uh yeah. Terrifying. Being treated right? Even more terrifying. The concept of changing myself for another doesn’t enter my mind, but I am conscious of the fact that when we enter a relationship with another our lives do change. And my life is pretty good.
So what happens if I get what I want finally and then I have to change things?
GO. AWAY. WHAT. IF.
It doesn’t matter how much I planned for the growth of Harvest Rose, or how much I planned what having my house would be like. It doesn’t matter how much I plan vacations or events. They’re always different from how we plan. Things we didn’t think about happen, good or bad. So why do we put ourselves through the hassle of “what ifs”?
Need for control, my friends, need for control. “I can’t control what will happen, but if I think of all these little things that might go wrong… well, I can control that!” Except the only thing we’re actually doing is upsetting ourselves, and of course pushing our manifestations further and further away. When you get caught up in that spiral, I can tell you from experience the Universe is going to go “Ope! Nope. She’s not ready. Best give her a bit so she doesn’t mess this up irl.” Then we’re annoyed with the waiting and this vicious cycle just feeds itself.
“Ok, Rose, we get it, we’re all attacked here, how do we fix it?”
Well, my lovelies, here is the secret. You can’t FIX it. You’re going to slide into this. That old saying “if your dreams don’t scare you they’re not big enough?” It’s true. When you’re manifesting something big, it’s going to get scary. You’re not going to know how it’s going to happen. You’re not going to know when. Even on my best days, without a plague, when times are normal, I can’t go “Yes, Tuesday, the 12 at 3:54 pm you will find x and it will be awesome.” I wish I could.
So if we can’t fix it what do we do? We feel it. We see it. We acknowledge it. “Wow I am terrified right now, what if I don’t get what I want?” is a lower vibrational thought pattern. Instead, we need to say: “I acknowledge that I am scared. I see why I am afraid. I don’t have to know how my manifestations are going to happen, but I trust that the universe will bring me exactly what I need in the right timing.” This takes all the heavy lifting off of you. It puts it into the universe’s hands.
“Wow I am terrified right now, what if I don’t get what I want?” is a lower vibrational thought pattern.
What ifs are simply us trying to take responsibility for things we shouldn’t. They’re scenarios we fear, but have no basis for. When you start to spiral negatively when manifesting, look at it’s polarity. “I’m scared” becomes “I’m safe”. “I’m scared I won’t get what I want” becomes “I am safe, protected and guided to what I need.”
It’s hard to let go of control. I hate it. I love controlling minutiae. Really helps my anxiety. But it doesn’t help my manifestations. Because manifestations aren’t ultimately controlled by me. They’re controlled by the universe. I am a big believer in divine timing, and I am so thankful I haven’t gotten some of the things I wanted when I wanted them. I would’ve messed them up. I needed to heal parts of myself and grow and explore before I could have them.
But now, it’s about keeping my mindset in a good space. And more importantly getting it back to a good place when it veers off to an existential crisis while I’m brewing my morning coffee.
What are you afraid won’t come true? What are you afraid will?
On May 22 we have a New Moon and I will be leading you all in a FREE New Moon Ritual and meditation live on IGTV. I want you to pick one thing you’re manifesting and make a list of what scares you about it. What do you fear will happen if it doesn’t come true? What do you fear will happen if it does? Are you more afraid it will or won’t? On the 22 we will work through those fears, burn them together and find new ways to “spiral up” every time we start “spiraling down”.
Until then, keep working on those manifestation goals and telling your What Ifs to shove it.